During difficult discussions or tasks, it is common to feel uncomfortable. Sometimes the discomfort is acceptable, and we simply accept its presence and get on with whatever is eliciting the uncomfortable feelings. Other times, the discomfort triggers less useful responses, like defensiveness, frustration or avoidance. In moments when we notice ourselves responding in a way that doesn’t reflect our best selves, the first thing to do is to practise recognising the discomfort for what it is. After that, a useful tool can be curiosity.

Curiosity can help us understand the situation and the people involved better. It can also help us understand ourselves better. It’s extremely difficult to be both defensive and genuinely curious. Curiosity will lead to better listening as well, and better listening will often lead to better solutions in the long run.